From the Creators of: The Relationship Dating Advice Lounge
To shack up or not...that is the question!
Should we shack up with our significant others, boyfriends/girlfriends, babymamas/babydaddys?
In this day and age...it is common place for folks to have the cows (no offense anyone :-)) in the house without a title of ownership. Today, it is widely accepted to live with your honey for years upon years upon years...producing 2, 3, 4 kids and spending 10 plus years just "living together". I mean...if that is your cup of tea...then do you boo!! Some people prefer to be in just "a relationship" with a person and as I said, if that is you, then you are the exception. I am speaking to those who want more!
My husband and I have been together for 7 years, married for 4, and living together before marriage for 3 years. If you want him to put a ring on it... I say get the heck out of that house! LOL If you want to be married, let your boo know! Do not expect your lover to read your mind and know what you want. If you let them..folks will keep everything just the way they are and 15 years later, you will look up and wonder what the hell you are still doing there.
To shack up or not...
You need to give them an ultimatum letting them know that you are not going to play house without it being legally documented. Why does ultimatums work for most people? Because, if that person truly wants to be with you and make you their husband/wife they will do anything necessary to keep you. It may not happen right away...but you can at least sit down and have that conversation about how soon he/she need to get off their butts and make that serious commitment. I've talked to guys all over the world and most of them say the same thing "Most men know if they want to marry you within the first two maybe three years at most." Those who do not, in my opinion, still have some growing up to do and unfortunately, once they realize they are ready, the woman has been around for 5 or more years hoping and wishing and praying he will pop the question. Hey...I understand that folks are just not ready! But, I am talking to those who are.
I recommend checking out "Why Men Marry Bitches" by Sherry Argov!! Ladies, don't take it literally!! :-) Men marry women who are up front and clear about what they want!! This book is hilariously laced with ideas and a guide to get your man to commit on a deeper level. From topics about being a "filler girl" to having relations on the first date and learning not to be a doormat, you are sure to learn a thing or two after reading this.
Trust me, I never recommend things that I myself have not purchased. Don't believe me? Just ask the (5 star) customer reviews she has received thus far!!
Now, I am not talking to the divorcees as they are in a totally different category and most of them would prefer not to legally bind themselves to another person ever again. I can definitely understand that plight.
I know I know... I can hear some of you now..."It's just a piece of paper, marriage doesn't define our relationship, blah blah blah". I get that...however, get this...when ish hit the fan...God forbid if something happens to your partner...what are you going to do? You cannot do too much as the "live in". Now don't get me wrong...some states recognize common law marriages...but aren't we too old (speaking to my 35 and older group now :-)) to be called "Boyfriend/Girlfriend"??? To me it sounds a little high school..dontcha think? I know I hated that title as I felt that I was too grown for that.
Also, from a spiritual standpoint, it should not be happening! However, I get that folks want to know who they are actually going to marry by moving in. Let's face it, you really don't know a person until you live with them.
My husband was the first guy I've ever shared a living space with. Now, don't get me wrong, I have spent days upon some weeks or so at a man's house in the past. However, I never moved in! I've always put time limits on my past relationships as I've always known what I wanted. I know too many women shacking up for 10 + years and 2 or 3 kids later and I clearly never wanted to be one of them. For me...I'd rather be someone's wife than someone's girlfriend because being WIFEY is being the queen b#$@h in town.
All I'm saying is that if your most wanted goal is to get married and you don't want to be shacking up for 5 + years, put your foot down and take the steps to ensure that you get what YOU want.
And that's my two cents!
Check Out 16 Tips for Cohabitation for tips to know before, during and after living together!!
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